The Shadows of Perfection
Why Perfectionism Harms and How to Deal with It
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In a world that constantly strives for perfection, it can be easy to lose sight of things. You have probably often thought that you must be better—whether in school, at work, or in personal relationships. At nikki.de, we explore this question: Why the pursuit of the perfect self is harmful and what we can do instead. Perfectionism is often a silent companion that influences our behavior, diminishes our joy in life, and even affects our well-being. In the psychology section, we examine how we can understand and positively redirect the mechanisms of perfectionism.
Perfectionism manifests not only as the pursuit of unattainable goals but also as an internal voice that is constantly critical. This voice can prevent you from making decisions or simply having fun. You may wonder: If I just work hard enough or try hard enough, then I will eventually reach a feeling of satisfaction. But therein lies the fallacy! The more you try to be perfect, the unhappier you may become. An example many are familiar with: You prepare a presentation and are dissatisfied with every single point. Instead of simply delivering what you planned, you spend hours perfecting everything, even if it isn’t necessary. In the end, you are exhausted, and perhaps the quality of your presentation, despite all the effort, hasn't improved. It becomes clear that perfectionism not only steals time but is also a source of stress and anxiety.
The Causes of Perfectionism
The urge for perfection often has deeper underlying causes. Many people who suffer from severe perfectionism may have experienced high expectations in their childhood. Parents or teachers who constantly demand perfect performance put enormous pressure on you. This pressure can lead you to feel that you must always be better in order to receive recognition and love.
Another cause is the societal norm where mistakes are often stigmatized. On social media, you only see the best sides of others—the perfect life, the perfect relationship—and this shapes your perception of what is normal. You might feel that others always have control while you are falling behind.
This constant comparability leads you to critically observe yourself. You may feel that every mistake you make sets you back. Therefore, perfectionists often avoid risks or challenges that they perceive as potentially flawed. Instead, they remain trapped in their comfort zone.
Dealing with Perfectionism
The key to a healthy relationship with perfection lies in accepting imperfection. Instead of always striving for the highest, it is important to celebrate small successes and also embrace mistakes. Use techniques like mindfulness and self-compassion to challenge your inner critic. Allow yourself to make mistakes and highlight that these experiences are often the most educational.
You can also set intentional time limits to reduce pressure. For example, when working on a project, set a deadline by which you want to deliver a 'good enough' version. This can help ease the pursuit of perfection and allow you to refocus on the core content.
Conclusion and Outlook
Dealing with your own perfectionism is a continuous process. You will likely experience moments when you fall back into old patterns. However, it is important to recognize the mechanisms and actively question them. Set small, realistic goals and create a space where you are allowed to make mistakes.
Environment and social relationships also play a significant role. Surround yourself with people who support and encourage you instead of criticizing you. When you are in a positive, supportive atmosphere, it will be easier for you to lower your self-imposed demands.
Finally, I want to encourage you to begin the journey toward self-acceptance. Perfection is an illusion that often harms us more than it helps. By acknowledging your imperfections, you can lead a fulfilling and authentic life. Enjoy the process that leads you to a better understanding of yourself.
